Christmas Eve..time for an update!

I'm the slackest blogger!! Thought I better take the time tonight and do a quick update.

Currently 18w4d. My belly has well and truly popped..definitely looking pregnant. Well I think so anyway!! Button is starting to give me some more regular movements..slowly. Had a freak out before my last ob appointment (which was last Monday) thinking that she would do a scan and we would be in for bad news, thankfully this wasn't the case. Button was moving around, HR of 145BPM and currently weighing around 225g. All looking good! Phew!

We also asked our ob if she could take a little peek at the sex as DH will be away for the morph scan. At first Button played shy and wouldn't uncross their legs, but eventually they moved...and it's looking very much like Button is a BOY! Yup, I am destined to live in a household full of males.

DH of course is over the moon..what man wouldn't be?!? 2 little boys to show all his boy hobbies to. Me? An overwhelming sense of sadness came over me when the doctor said boy and I saw the boy bits on screen for myself. And then I just felt horrendously guilty for being sad. When we were TTC DS and going through IVF and the miscarriage I would read things about gender disappointment and it would make me so angry. How could you be sad about having a baby????? I mean, I would have given anything just to be pregnant...I wouldn't care about the sex.

But now here I am, feeling just a little bit sad that my natural miracle is in fact a boy instead of a girl like I was hoping for. Shame on me. I should be thankful that I am pregnant...and without the help of IVF this time. So many woman out there would be over the moon to have a baby...whether it be girl or boy. I feel like such a brat. BUT I can't help it. It's not that I am going to love this little boy any less. It's more that I am sad for the fact that I will never get to buy lots of beautiful girl things...dresses and dolls. I will never have a daughter and share a special mother daughter relationship with her. That's what is making me so sad.

I know the feeling won't last. I am very excited that DS will have a little brother so close in age. They are going to be great mates and get into lots of mischief together. I am glad that we once again decided to find out the sex now. It gives me time to get used to another boy. Otherwise I would have spent my entire pregnancy hoping for a girl and I can only imagine how I would have felt when it was announced at the birth that he was a he!

DH doesn't understand how I'm feeling. He thinks I should just be grateful that Button is healthy. And believe me, I am. Despite all the sad feelings about the gender, I am mostly just so thankful to be pregnant again.

Not feeling very Christmassy as DH is away at work and will be until after New Years. This is the first Christmas in 10 years that we have not been together to celebrate. It doesn't feel right at all. Missing him so very much. And I know it must be a million times worse for him..missing DS's first Christmas. Hoping we might be able to Skype tomorrow morning so we can see him for a little while.

DS and I will spend the day with my parents, sister and her fiancé. I'm glad I have family close by otherwise it would be one miserable Christmas.

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A Terrible Blogger

Again, its been awhile since my last post. Not that it really matters as I don't think I have many readers! This is more for me anyway.

Today I am 15w2d. Well into the 2nd trimester. Morning sickness seems to have eased (touch wood) but my energy has yet to return! My belly has definitely popped. I was comparing shots from last pregnancy with this belly and right now my belly is as big as my 22 week belly when I was pregnant with DS!!! Bit worried as to how big I will actually get this time round!

I have felt a few little flutters but it hasn't happened often, just a handful of times. Cannot wait for the movement to happen more regularly to put my mind at ease that everything is ok with Button.

Had the NT scan a few weeks ago. Hubby ended up not having to stay back at work (yay) so he made it to the scan. Was lovely to see Button again kicking and moving about. They were not very cooperative and it took the tech ages to get all the measurements. Didn't get any good pictures of bub either which I was a bit sad about. We have so many good ones from DS's scan-he was very well behaved. Also this bub had their legs tightly crossed the whole time..hope this doesn't continue as we really want to find out the sex.

Ob appointment revealed that I am low risk for downs and the other things they test for with the NT scan and blood work. Ob tried to take a look at the sex of bub but wasn't able to tell. Total opposite of DS! We knew from about 13/14 weeks with him..he always seemed to have his legs wide open for us to see that he was most definitely a boy! Hopefully our ob will be able to take a better look at our next appointment on the 17th December. Otherwise we will have to wait another few weeks for our morph scan! I really hope bub will cooperate at some stage.

Am still waiting for HR at work to get back to me. Called again this week and they still hadn't heard from the manager. Frustrating as I need to prepare myself (and DS) if I a, going back to work for a few months. Part of me hopes that I can't get more paid leave and I can just quit. It would make life easier in most respects (well except financially). Have worked out that mum will care for DS while I am at work if it does pan out that way. I only work 3 days so we can work my work days around hers (or vice versa). Makes me feel a lot better if I do have to leave him. Much rather he be with his Nanna than in a daycare centre. And then the weeks that hubby is home, he can care for him and give mum a break.

DS is almost 11 months old. I cannot believe he will be 1 in a little over a month!! Scary! I ordered his birthday party invitations last night. We are just having a small party in the park. Just family and close friends. Nice and simple. No point going over the top when he won't even remember it! I guess it's more for me than him at this stage! Will just have some morning tea and drinks, a cake and some balloons. Hopefully it won't be too hot.

And of course Christmas is rapidly approaching! I have started my shopping so hopefully will be done before it gets too crazy at the shops. When DH comes home next week we are going to take DS to get a photo with Santa (if he doesn't scream too much). I need to sort out some form of Christmas tree as ours is huge and I just know that DS will want to take all the decorations off and put them in his mouth! I'm thinking of doing something small that can sit on the dining room table out of reach of little hands. I've been trying to capture a photo of DS in his Christmas outfit for our Christmas cards with little success. He just won't stay still for long enough! I think it's a 2 person job...one to distract him and one to snap photos. I'm very close to giving up though!




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It's been awhile...

I'm now 11w5d pregnant.

Had my first obstetrician appointment at 8w4d and saw a healthy little bubba. Also found out that my ob will be on maternity leave when I am due, so need to make a decision about who will take over my care once she finishes up.

My NT scan is booked for Friday morning. Had my bloods taken today in preparation.

Exhaustion and morning sickness are still kicking my ass. Hoping once I pass the 12 week mark I might start feeling better!! Finding it very hard to run round after DS all day. I live for nap time and bed time at the moment.

DH was due home this Thursday but found out today he has to do an extra week. So sad he will miss the scan. Also feeling let down that I have to cope another week on my own. I was counting on him coming back so I could have some help and a bit of a break. Makes it so much easier when we are both home, especially when I feel like crap.

I feel like such a terrible mother and wife right now. The house is an absolute mess. I have done no housework in weeks. I have piles of washing that need to be done. I haven't done a grocery shop in weeks and the cupboards are looking very sad. All I want is for DS to play happily on his own, but he's at a really clingy stage and needs me right there. I lay on his play mat while he climbs all over me and I try not to fall asleep. See? Crap mum. Crap wife. Crap home maker.

Had to tell my boss today that I'm pregnant and may not be returning from my maternity leave. It was the 2nd time she's called in the last month or 2, so figured it was a good time to let the news slip. I'm now waiting to hear from HR to see if I can extend my leave, or whether I'm not entitled to anything else and have to resign. Part of me just wants to quit, but the other part knows I should hang on to the job if I can as I will never find something as good and accommodating as this position.

Once the scan has been done we will be sharing our news with the rest of our friends and family. I am so glad! I'm over keeping a secret. It's been harder this time as I've felt so terrible and it would have made life so much easier if certain people knew. Oh well-only a few more days of keeping my mouth shut and as I've turned myself into a bit of a hermit the past few weeks its not really that challenging!

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7 weeks today. Time feels like its gone into slow motion. I'm wishing the 1st trimester away for a few reasons...

1. I want my energy back...I am so exhausted all the time.
2. I want to get into the 'safe' zone.
3. I'm finding it very hard to keep this a secret..just want to share our news!!

Lots of pregnancy symptoms rearing their heads.

Experienced my first bout of 'morning sickness' the other day. I didn't throw up (thank goodness) but I felt so unwell for the entire day/night. Made it very difficult to care for DS. Thankfully he had a 2 hour nap during the day (which never happens) which meant I was able to nap too. It hasn't gotten quite this bad again, but I'm having a lot of queasy moments which I never experienced with my last pregnancy. Makes me wonder if Button is a girl?!!

Did I mention that I'm exhausted?!? Because I am. No matter how much sleep I get overnight. I'm yawning all day long. I feel like my heads in a fog. I can't concentrate on anything. Feel like I can't even focus on having a conversation with anyone. It's certainly a whole different ball game being pregnant when you already have a young child. DS keeps me super busy. He is desperately trying to walk so he always wants to be standing..whether it be holding onto me or the furniture (which he cruises around on). It won't be long before I'm having to chase him round the house...hope I have some more energy before then!

DH still has another week away at work. Can't wait to have him home again. Missing him a lot. It's more in the evenings once DS is in bed...miss having someone to talk to. The dog is just not good company!

When hubby comes home we have the first obstetrician appointment which I am looking forward to. I love my ob and I can't wait to share our news with her! Oh and show her how much DS has grown. Also can't wait to get another look at Button. I really hope everything is ok.

Backwards

I went and had a scan today. I was feeling paranoid and didn't want to wait until my ob appointment.

We saw our little blob with a flickering heart beat. I'm measuring a week behind my LMP dates but with a natural pregnancy I don't think that's really anything to worry about. So my new EDD is the 23/5/2013. I'm abut bummed about going backwards a week, but not much I can do. It also means I was getting positive tests from just past 3 and a bit weeks...how amazing! It really feels like its been forever since I did those first HPTs.

So I'm 5w4d today. Feeling slightly more confident now I have seen the little blob but know that doesn't necessarily put me in the clear yet. Have to wait it out until my ob appointment which is about 3 weeks away. Hopefully the time passes quickly.

Pregnancy symptoms come and go, which does nothing for my paranoia. My sense of smell is incredible which is not so good when changing dirty nappies. I am getting up at least 3 times a night to pee now. Exhausted constantly...and no napping for me this pregnancy as DS doesn't like day naps. By the time his bed time rolls around I just want to curl up and go to sleep! My mood swings are in full swing too. I feel bad for DH as I am being a real bitch but everything he does at the moment seems to annoy the crap out of me!!!! Nothing major, just all these little things which for some reason are now getting under my skin majorly. And I am hungry all the time, but if I don't eat enough or regularly I start to feel nauseous and then I don't want to eat...but most of the time when I do eat, I eat too much and feel sick anyway. So I can't win!

Ahhhh the joys of pregnancy!

Blabber

GP appointment today. She was so excited when I told her. Very sweet!

Had bloods taken and will have results tomorrow. Booked in with my ob now as well. First appointment not until 15th October...feels like ages away but hoping time passes quickly. GP not too keen on early scan so looks like I might not get to see this little one until I'm almost 10 weeks along! If I start to get worried I might push for one though....or if levels aren't as good as what they should be. Trying hard not to be too paranoid though. I held back from buying anymore HPTs today...amazing!! Though I might cave and buy more tomorrow. I just like seeing that line get darker!

DH is home on Thursday so only 2 more sleeps. Can't wait to see him so we can celebrate this amazing news in person!

Symptoms to date:

-tiredness
-slight nausea
-slight cramping
-increased CM
-peeing more frequently overnight
-tender boobs
-insomnia


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Some details

Just called DH to share the news. He's on nights so was just up and getting ready for work.

He was speechless at first (reckon his jaw might have hit the ground too) but once he had a moment to take it in (and realise I wasn't joking) he was pretty happy. He's been having a rough time this hitch so I think this news has really made his day/night. Wish I could have seen the look on his face though!

Feels a bit more real now I've had a few hours to process and I've been able to say it out loud to hubby.

Paranoid side of me is still slightly skeptical and wants bloods taken and an early dating scan...probably silly but I just can't help it. I'll call my GP on Monday and try and get in ASAP.

I still have several HPTs in my possession so of course the POAS frenzy will continue. I actually did an IC this morning and got a very faint line which is what prompted me to go and buy the FRERs. Glad I did as I was driving myself batty looking at the IC and wondering if I was imagining the 2nd line...but the FR is definitely clear. I can hold the test at arms length and see the 2nd line without squinting. And it came up well within the time limit.

My head is all over the place. Can't sleep. Excitement and nerves all jumbled into one.

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